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Want Kids to Listen? Reflect on Your Trust Ratings

Maribeth
Sep 11, 2016
3 min read

As a former high school and college teacher, I had been asked the similar questions over and over by parents of teenagers...

"What should I do to my kid? He never listens to me!"

"My 13 year old frequently comes home very late. He often makes "group study" as reason. I know it sounds fishy, but whenever I open a conversation, he storms out."

"I just discovered that my daughter has a boyfriend without telling me! I don't know what to do! What if she gets pregnant early?"

"My son seems to be interested in boys.. I'm afraid he's gay. How can I handle this talk?"

"He skips school to play computer games. I already talked to him about it but no words seem to work!"

Any of these sounds familiar to you?

Lack of parenting awareness

Gone are the days of old school child discipline; when a glare from father would make us wet our pants in fear. Or you have this conscious effort to behave and respect mother or else you will feel some whipping up your arse.

I just wished as along with implementing child protection laws in the country was a mass education of proper parenting techniques. Without replacement, most parents who lived through the 80's and 90's are old school who had to figure their way into new and less-abrasiveness methods of child discipline.

Parenting Crash Course

So my basic response to those questions above is...

How much does your kid trust you?

You see trust is what makes a relationship valuable. How much do you trust your own parents? your spouse? your children? More importantly, how much do they trust you.

Have you noticed that you find certain people easier to confide with than other relatives? I know you would agree that you find it easier to talk honestly to somebody whom you trust more. Now let us shift that reflection from your own children's perspective.

Do they feel that you are easily angered or disappointed when they do something wrong?
Can they tell anything to you without you shifting into a negative mood?
Do they feel accepted if they commit mistakes or make wrong decisions?
Can they count on you whatever happens?
Do they feel accepted if they stick to their personal identities or choices?

Like any salesman would preach, before you sell the idea, build rapport and trust with your customer first.

And the rest will be easy.

How to gain your teen's trust?

There are a number of ways in which you can reconnect with your teens. You much acknowledge the fact that you have to make the first move of reaching out. Remember that we also had that time of our lives, that we thought we felt all too grown up to listen to our own parents. Assuming anything does not help. You must be observant on how you and your kids behave when you are together, if there is discord, find out why.

There are a number of ways to build rapport and develop trust with our kids.

Example scenarios are (not inclusive):

Communicate with your 100% attention and good eye contact.
Make time to listen to their stories, especially dinner time.
Make them feel, by reminding them, that you love and accept them and their choices.
Trust them that they can make great decisions. Help them think constructively whenever they have problems.
Make it clear to them that as much as you love them unconditionally, you both also have to work constructively on things you disagree about (like dating and choice of friends).
Make them fee, in words and actions that you respect them and their intelligence.
Be honest (but objective) about what you feel, your worries and fears as parents.
Bond over activities they like such as mobile games and sports.
Make them aware that you are human: with limitations, can make mistakes and has feelings too.